Harry Potter Reads The Philosopher's Stone
by CaffeineAndNicotineQueen
Summary: Sarcastic reading the series with a citrusy tang. I apologize for how original the title is, sometimes even i can't handle my own awesomeness.
1. AuthorRambles

I hate to say it but i am starting a Harry Potter reading the series multichapter, yes i am adding to the frankly appalling category of unfinished...crap and i apologize but i would love to go to sleep and i have to satisfy this annoying little plot bunny before i have a chance in hell.

I read many of these and am going to get rid of a couple of my pet peeves before i start irritating you with things i rage quit about. So first,

Character List, i hate reading one of these stories and someone makes a comment and all you can think is "when did he get here." These are only the people that will be the main commentators, there will be students and ministry people but they will mostly be background noise.

HP, RW, HG, AD, FW, GW, SB, RL, LL, DM, AG, MM, NT, AM, MW, AW, BW, CW, PW, GW, SS, NL, LM, RH, KS, CF, DU.

Just the mains if you dont know any of them or thought of one i missed just ask.

Also this will be finished and yes i am aware of how many people ride the im different express but i wouldn't post if it wasn't going to be finished.

Oh this is not cannon, unless of course during the breaks in the books all the males spontaneously molested each other, this is slash and if anyone is offended, leave and if you chose not to well im sure you'll get over it.

I swear constantly, i will try to tone that down for most characters but i can foresee alot of words sneaking past my filter.

And i am done, first chapter will be up by Wednesday.

Night all.


	2. Just a big clump of gooey cliche

**Yes im aware its not Wednesday and this is a total cop-out, but the first proper chapter will be up soon. Im overwhelmed at the amount of alert notices I've gotten and thank you all so much, i do hope this meets your standards.**

**If you find mistakes feel free to mention them, i don't have a beta and any helping hand will be treated like a religious icon.**

**Sorry for the choppiness and random change of p.o.v. **

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The man upstairs (or woman Harry conceded least he face Hermione's sexist rant again) was either a masochist or had a lot more faith in him then he did one thing for certain was they certainly had a sick sense of humor.

"Im just saying does it really have to be Halloween of all times" moaned the green eyed wizard that once again all the drama was circled around.

"Uh 'gruh wit ya therr."

The bookworm of the trio just rolled her eyes and continued focusing on the front of the great hall more then used to the moaning of Harry Potter and the atrocious eating habits of one Ronald Weasley.

The sight of the ministry officials once again sent a shudder down her spine but didn't nearly have the same gut lurching effect of what sat on the staff table behind them, seven books sat new and gleaming proudly in the candle light.

Hermione could honestly say that a set of books had never caused quite a reaction from her.

Joy, yes and anticipation to learn more about a world she had never been quite certain about but never this anxious trepidation but this was books about harrys life with everything about Sirius, the polyjuice potion, Buckbeak...oh god the were going to Azkaban there was no way fudge woud go easy on them especioly not with the way he was running around making lies about harry with his fingers stuffed in his ears humming at the top of his voice.

Hermione let her head bang softly on the table and groaned, they were so screwed.

Amelia Bones wasn't happy, she had silently believed Dumbledore and Harry Potter from the start but in the intrest of keeping her job had stayed quiet about it but now she was wondering if it was a mistake, surly this was going to far Potter was a fifteen year old boy who deserved a few secrets.

She huffed under her breath as the minister stood in front of the children and tried to gather their attention aimlessly until Dumbledore stood up.

"Attention." It was like a switch and suddenly they were the center of the stares "I am sure you all know why we're here, classes will be cancled for the duration of te books to ensure maxime concentration.

Cornelius would you mind if i took the gift of being the first to read to the students." Fudge gave something that resembled more a grunt then a yes but was good enough for Albus and he began in his powerful voice.

"Harry Potter and The Philosopher's Stone, The Boy Who Lived."

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**I own nothing...at all...ever and im sorry if you thought I was J.K Rowling trolling.**

**Thanks for reading :)**


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